Presence is being involved in someone’s life.  It is something we choose to do.  Circumstances happen but still, given a choice, stay somewhere we need to be.  Loss,  pain and  illnesses are  occurrences where we need  people around us.  Someone to be there even  when no words are needed.

When we have no choice but to be absent,  with   technology today, we can extend our love and support through other things. A text, a call, a note or even a post on  our loved ones’  Facebook wall would make all the difference.  I have been there.  When I  made  major changes in my life and  not everyone was for it,  I felt  lost and alone.  Instead of people telling me I did the right thing for  choosing to  attend to my son’s needs  for my career, I was mocked.  There were disapproving  head shakes and  was even told  “I was stupid!” to my face.  Where was the support  there?  I just kept quiet but felt really bad.  The people  I thought were my friends for 17 years  suddenly I realized were just colleagues.  We went to each others houses, attended family gatherings and even  respect to each other’s  loved ones who passed away.   I felt  that.  Suddenly the deep  warm relationship was a  shallow cold one.

When I was sick and   needed a major surgery,   others told me I was over-reacting  and things would be alright.  Over-reacting?  Since when is a major-exploratory  surgery  where they literally open you  up and clip your  skin on to the table  over-acting?  I felt   resentment and  even anger. I felt  slowly withdrawing and becoming alone.      I counted the people who supported me.  However, I also counted those who forgot about me.  Those who said and even promised that they would be there for me and when the time came I texted I’m going to  have major surgery,  only text I received was “Good luck!”  Not the   reply I wanted to read.

I was touched, however by  one of my closest friends who is very far away.  Even though she was in another country, I was amazed she managed to send something for me. She proved she was a great friend despite our distance and even when I didn’t ask for assistance she sent.

I discovered now who among my friends  are  real gems and the faux ones.  What is the big deal?  Someone would ask.  The big deal is, when your thoughts are dark and you are  stepping  on the line between living and dying,  it is a big deal.

So when something came up and I needed to go for injection treatments  to keep my condition controlled,  I just kept things to myself.  Only my loved ones knew.  Although, I shared updates from time to time on Facebook, I didn’t elaborate anymore.  I just sought solace from  inspiration and healing pages.  They kept me going and positive.

 I can  say  the very presence  of anyone would give someone joy.  JUST BEING THERE in their momentous occasion or difficult situation  would make them feel important too. The mere fact that we are visible in someone else’s life would be very helpful for them. That is its essence… to make the person feel loved and important. This is needed specially for the lonely who feels alone and unforgiving of themselves.

Positive reinforcements are important too. Let us remember that this gesture is so compelling that’s why we need to always give our best effort to be visible in our loved ones lives. Your mere presence may not be  a major achievement for you but it’s  a big deal. believe me.  Let your presence be felt. No one needs to be dying or sick for  people to be close and to feel others care.   You are the light  for other’s dim moments.   Let your light shine.  In the end, even though you do not have anything to give,  your presence is  your ultimate gift to someone in  need.  This is perhaps  one of the loftiest gifts ever  for the  heart always remembers.

Related articles

• Be Kind: Give Yourself the Gift of Presence Today & Everyday (juliejordanscott.typepad.com)
• Is your digital presence letting you down? (utscareers.wordpress.com)
• Presents and Presence (jkstevland.wordpress.com)
• The Gift of Presence (thebrightersideoflife.ca)
• GiFT OF LOVE (edute.wordpress.com)

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